Let's Jazz Up These College Nicknames

I was driving in my car when the little man in the radio said "tonight, the West Virginia Mountaineers host the LSU Tigers. West Virginia has a nickname that fits. They are, after all, the Mountain State. But other than the tiger in the cage in Baton Rouge, I have never seen a tiger in Louisiana. So, I have naturally volunteered my services and will try to rename a few names that seem appropriate.

University of Texas Longhorns-Really a fitting name...But whenever anyone comes to visit and they see those uniforms the band wears, they say "I told you it was this way in Texas." So we change the name to the Yahoos, in honor of the band uniforms and the boys that run onto the field in the Orange lame' cowboy suits while escorting their hallowed mascot Bevo. The Texas Yahoos. The helmets will have a big Y. Maybe they get a deal with Yahoo.com. to enhance the Longhorn network.

University of Arizona Wildcats will be changed to the Pollos and the helmets will have a big chicken on it. This will be in reference to all the illegal aliens crossing the border, called Pollos, or chickens in Spanish.

If U of Houston keeps the name Cougars, the logo has to have an outline of a woman in a tight dress smoking a cigarette while sitting on a bar stool, because there are no animal cougars in Houston except at the zoo.

Arizona State is pretty close with the Sun Devils, but how about "The Bubblers"? The helmet could have a house with a foreclosure notice on it in honor of the housing bubble in the Valley of the Sun.

Ohio State changes to the Ink Dogs in honor of the tattoos. The helmet has a tattoo artist sitting on a stool wearing a beret.

There's not too many bears in the Bay Area, so U Cal Berkley gets changed to the Bongsters in honor of the heritage laid down by the hippies of Haight Ashbury. The helmets could have the five fingered leafed plant, with a special Nike Combat uniform with all numbers designed as bongs and rolling papers.

Miami is hurricane country no doubt, but how about renaming the team the Wise Guys, in honor of all the East Coasters who think there are only two places in the world, Miami and Jersey.

Kentucky goes from the Wildcats to the Stillmen. Helmets have the new logo which is a jug of corn squeezins.

Southern Cal changes from the Trojans to the Country Clubbers and their helmets sport the tennis racket and golf iron criss crossed like the bones on a skull and cross bones . This is, after all, the school where mommy and daddy send you if you can't make the cut to Stanford.

Arkansas goes right to the name Hillbillies. Great marketing possibilities with any number of symbols for the helmets.

UTEP goes from The Miners to the Cartel. No big explanation needed being on the border with Juarez.

The Sooners of Oklahoma immediately change their name to the University of Oklahoma Texans in honor of all the Texas players on their football team. It just fits.

Oklahoma State changes their name to the T-Bones in honor of T-Boone Pickens and his generosity to the athletic department. Possibly dollar signs on their helmets or one of Boones new windmills.

UCLA immediately changes the name to the Surfers and has a surfboard on the helmet. When's the last time you saw a bruin in L.A.?

At Texas A and M, we rename them the Turf Kings. It is the home of agriculture correct? But we name them the new name because they recently changed to Astro Turf on the football field to keep the homecoming queen from eating the grass....(The world's oldest joke, had to say it.)

And finally, pick a team, any team in the SEC and rename them the Rednecks.

No Alcohol Served at this Game; Miami Part 2

I had to go to Waco this weekend to see my daughters volleyball team play in a 4 way tournament at Baylor. The football crowd I encountered was unlike any I have ever been a part of.

I had tickets on the front row of Baylor-TCU. The last game I went to was a late start at Reliant about 7 years ago when the Texans were playing the Jets on a 3 o'clock kickoff. During the 3 o'clock kickoff, the fans still start the early morning tail-gating and the result is with the later kickoff, they are a ton more inebriated. Honestly, taking kids to a game where you have to walk around vomit and answer question about why the guy leaning on the the wall is sick is a total drag. Plus, the fighting is really getting out of hand. I always feel it's a successful year if I don't get sucked into a Texan game. The best seat is in your living room.

At Baylor they do not serve any alcoholic beverages at the athletic contests. Baylor is a Baptist school. Their opponent TCU is also a Christian based University (this is not an endorsement for any religion).

What was readily apparent was the lack of "that guy". You know who that is...the guy who is blasted out of his mind who is lacing a profanity in every other word. That guy is the man who makes it really crazy to go to a game with children or even by yourself because he is belligerent and a fool. That guy is the dude who says your team sucks. That guy was absent at the Baylor game. And I sort of liked it a whole bunch.

I don't begrudge anyone who can sensibly partake an alcoholic beverage at an athletic contest. Baseball would probably draw 50% if you couldn't have a beer at the ole ballgame. And, I really don't know what the answer should be. I only know that this weekend there were passionate fans rooting their hearts out for their respective teams, and these same fans gave respect when the other team made a great play.

I was able to appreciate this atmosphere because I haven't had a drink for quite a few years. I have went to games in the past where I did drink, but kept the foolish behavior down. It was a nice scene for a game played in a really different atmosphere.

As for the game, it was a track meet, a real fan's delight. Robert Griffin was a young Randall Cunningham. Some say Mike Vick because of his athleticism. I say Randall Cunningham because he really throws a fantastic ball. As a receiver, it is the type of ball you would like to catch. He has a great arm and tremendous speed. He is a world class hurdler in track. The game was off the chart. Follow Robert Griffin. He appears to be the real deal.
**********************************************************************************
I was lucky enough to tour the Baylor Basketball training room and practice facility. The basketball teams training room is 6700 square feet. It has everything you can think of inside. The facility at Baylor would be the envy of most pro basketball teams. The stereo system costs $80,000. I won't bore you with all the details, but the dumbells have a grip about twice as big as a regular one at the local gym. This is because basketball players have bigger hands and this will give them a better forearm and wrist workout. Nothing, and I mean nothing is left to detail. The weight racks are 9 feet high to account for tall people.
*********************************************************************************
There are 2 great articles I will give you links to about the Miami scandal. There was one thing I mentioned that really struck me as wrong about Shapiro. He is a world class liar and the journalist, Mr Robinson, seemed to take his word for granted.
Consider that you have boats, prostitutes and booze. So what is the missing ingredient in all this? Drugs, and of course, there was no mention of this. Why was there no mention? Because Shapiro does not want to open that Pandora's Box and get the drug people handing him more prison time. Also, there was no mention of Mr. Shapiro's letter to a judge asking him to free his father in the late 90's on a big embezzlement charge. Why was this left out. Again, there were some NCAA violations, just not as big as they were sensationalised in Yahoo. com. In some ways Robinson was sucked in much like the people Shapiro embezzled the 900 million from.

To me, Frank Haith, the basketball coach was painted very unfairly with a broad brush. I personally know George Fernandez the assistant coach at Miami. He has taken in former players after graduation to help them while they are getting their feet wet in the world of employment. This is after they graduated, so there is no underlying motivation. He is a very solid guy and to me it's total BS that he goes through any of this because of any guilt by association. I have met George's dad who used to coach with one of my old Miami coaches, Dick Hickox. Again, I cannot state what a solid guy George is and what a flimsy heresay bunch of garbage Shapiro has on him. Any evidence against him and Mr. Haith are flimsy and I would bet false. I will say it here: Haith and Fernandez did not jeopardize their jobs for 10 thousand dollars.

Check out Jason Whitlock's article by clicking below:
http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefootball/story/Jason-Whitlock-Yahoo-Nevin-Shapiro-Miami-Hurricanes-scandal-082811

Also, Matt Taibbi has a very good article on this at:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/blogs/taibblog/sportswriters-rally-to-the-cause-of-unpaid-labor-20110826